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THE FAMILY:
FROM START TO FINISH
TABLE OF CONTENTS
I Do
The Patter of Little Feet
The Toddler
Off To School
Adolescence
"I Do"
I. Let's plan a wedding
A. Costs involved
B. Flowers, candles, cake, dress, tuxedos
C. Budget for the Wedding and Reception
D. Where, when, who to invite
1. Church building
2. Small intimate wedding or open to all
E. Size of the wedding party
1. Best man and bridesmaid
2. Flower girl and ring bearer
3. Ushers and attendants
F. Type and size of reception
G. Preacher
1. Who to perform the ceremony
2. How much to pay him
H. Music
1. Live or recorded
2. Vocal or instrumental
Questions to Discuss
1. Who should decide how much to spend?
A. Bride - "It is MY wedding."
B. Parents of bride - "We are paying for it."
C. Parents of groom - "Our son is involved here."
2. Who should control the guest list?
3. How do you feel about the use of instrumental music in a wedding -
at the church building?
away from the church building?
4. How do you feel about the use of a denominational preacher participating in the ceremony?
II. Pre-marriage counseling
A. At lest three or four sessions
B. I believe that it should be a church policy
C. I have made it my personal policy
Questions to Discuss
1. What is important to discuss during pre-marriage counseling sessions?
2. If you could tell young couples one thing about marriage what would it be?
III. Adjustments
A. Who gets up first?
B. Which side of the bed to sleep on?
C. When to go to bed? get up?
D. Mealtime, doing dishes, dirty clothes
Questions to Discuss
1. What adjustments did you have to make?
2. How long will this period of adjustment take?
3. Define: Compromise
A. When should one compromise?
B. When should one NOT compromise?
IV. How to have a fair fight
A. People will disagree.
B. Tempers will flare up.
C. Little things will irritate you.
D. I have "10 Rules for Arguing".
(E. Ray Jenkins, Nashville, Tennessee)
1. Only one argument a day.
2. Only one subject can be discussed in any one arguing period.
3. No argument can last longer than 30 minutes.
4. The one who starts an argument can not walk out of the room.
5. Nothing more than two weeks old can be brought up.
6. You can only have this argument more than one hour after arising or two hours before bedtime.
7. No violence.
8. No profanity.
9. You may holler at each other so long as it cannot be heard by anyone except your spouse.
10. The argument cannot be at mealtime.
E. Study Ephesians 4:26-27; and compare with 4:31-32.
Questions to Discuss
1. How do you feel about fighting in front of children?
2. Are most fights "silly" in origin and content?
3. What should you do after the fight is over?
V. Budgets, bills and bread
A. Net Worth statement
B. Plan a budget and stick to it
C. Long-range planning
D. Life insurance and savings
E. Credit cards
1. The dangers If you make $100
2. The costs And charge 20
3. The habit TOTAL SPENT $120
4. The recovery To recover you
5. The withdrawal must live
F. Cash flow and the checkbook on $80
Questions to Discuss
1. What items should be included in the budget?
2. Who should pay the bills?
3. Are credit cards wrong or sinful?
The Patter of Little Feet
I. When should a couple have children?
A. Settled, made the adjustments to each other.
B. Mature enough to train them.
C. They should agree on the goals for their children.
D. When they can afford:
1. Medical expenses for the birth itself
2. Medical expenses for the baby
3. Food, diapers, clothes
4. Braces, little league, bicycle
5. Dating, car, college, wedding
Questions to Discuss
A. How long should they be married before children arrive?
B. How many children should they have?
II. Changes to expect
A. Sleep habits
B. Medical expenses
C. Social outings with friends
D. Shared roles
diapers, feedings, chores, shopping, cooking
Questions to Discuss
1. How can young couples be better prepared for the changes that will take place when children arrive?
2. Tell about an experience with a babysitter.
3. How did you decide who should do which chores?
III. Working mother vs. homemaker
A. What is gained by working?
1. Extra income
2. Pay bills, buy things needed
3. Buy things you want
4. Social life, not "locked" in the house
B. What is lost by working?
1. Travel, car, clothes, meals
2. Childcare services
3. Training in morals and behavior
4. "Precious Moments"
5. Income tax bracket
a. Move from 15% to 28%
b. Refund = interest free loan
c. More of income is taxable
d. Few, if any, deductions
6. Social Security money paid by wife
C. Day care vs. babysitter
D. Latch key Kids
Questions to Discuss
1. What does "keepers at home" mean? (Titus 2:5)
2. Discuss: Latch key kids - dangers, problems
3. What is stewardship?
4. How much tax should we pay?
5. "Who Owns Your Child?"
6. Is "Social Security" a good deal?
The Toddler
I. Learning to walk and talk
A. Importance of showing patience
B. Do not rush them.
1. Walk when ready.
2. Let bones mature.
3. Once they walk, you will wish they didn't.
C. Talking comes from what they hear.
1. Talk plainly to them.
2. Use adult words and phrases.
3. Don't talk "baby talk".
Questions to Discuss
1. What kinds of books should be read to them?
2. What impact does _______ have in their development?
A. Atmosphere in the home
B. Vocabulary
C. Manners and courtesy
D. Attitude, tone of voice, anger
II. Rules that work
A. KISS - Keep It Simple Simon!
B. State the punishment.
1. Make it fit the crime in seriousness.
2. Keep it in a short time frame.
3. Relate the punishment to the crime.
C. Two types of rules - positive and negative
D. Parents must establish the shape of the mold.
1. It can be cleaned up, modified later.
2. Attitude and basic valuse are set by 5.
3. Book, All I Ever Knew I Learned in Kindergarten
Questions to Discuss
1. Discuss: The Terrible or Terrific Twos
2. What rules are needed?
3. Are the rules you have matter of convienence?
4. Discuss: Positive and negative reinforcement
5. How should you handle temper tantrums?
A. In your home along
B. When others are present
C. Out in a public place
III. Proverbs 22:6
Introuduction
A. Many believe that if a child ever goes astray - it is the fault of the parents.
1. Modern psychiatry teaches this.
2. Preachers have added to this guilt
3. Parents ask, "Where did we go wrong?"
4. Elder/Deacon selection is effected.
B. Parents need to ask if they are at fault - BUT -
C. Children are to be held responsible - ALSO -
D. Many other areas of influence are to blame.
I. Look at the Law of Moses
A. Deut. 6:6-12 Teach them God's law
B. Deut. 21:18-21 Some will still be rebellious
II. Look at families you know
A. Several children in the same family
B. Raised in the same way, same rules
C. One is wild and rebellious
III. Look at Proverbs 22:6
A. "Train" = teach, instill, instruct, imprint
1. By instruction, lecture, talk
2. By example, discipline
B. "In the way he should go"
1. Point the way, give direction for them.
2. BUT, you can not make them follow.
3. They are free moral agents.
C. God does not demand MORE of you than He is able to do with His children.
D. "Not depart from it."
1. Some read, "It will not depart from him."
2. Others say, "He wil NEVER stray."
3. Some say, "He will not depart from the presence of that truth."
4. Luscombe's paraphrase reads -
Instill in a child the way that is right, and when he is old, he will still have those truths within.
IV. Look at other influences - "Who Owns Your Child?"
A. Peer pressure B. Friends
C. Your example D. Movies, TV, radio
E. Advertisments F. School system
G. Legal system H. Welfare system
I. Role-playing games J. Society norms
Questions to Discuss
1. Discuss: "Dungeons and Dragons"
2. What is "Humanism"?
3. Why do some children go wild?
4. How can parents help children avoid the dangers?
5. In your own words, explain Proverbs 22:6.
Off To School
I. Dealing with the separation
A. First day of school
B. Each fall
C. The "Grief Process"
II. Help to prepare them for school by:
A. Reading to them
B. Teaching them to write, draw, spell their name
C. Allowing them to play with children in neighborhood
D. Respect for authority, teachers, police, etc.
E. Have regular hours for bed and breakfast.
III. Dangers they will face
A. Language they learn
B. Moral values are questioned
C. Other role-models for them to follow
D. Other interests - TV, movies, radio, music
E. Conflicts with other students in school
Questions to Discuss
1. How do you get them to do their homework?
A. Order them B. Bribe them
C. "Help" them D. Ignore it
E. Establish rules about where and when
2. How do you explain why other do things that you have taught your children are wrong?
A. Drinking B. Smoking
C. Profanity D. Dancing
3. How do you teach children to respect authority?
4. How should a parent react when their child is punished at school?
A. Defend the child?
B. Defend the teacher?
5. When punished at school, should they be punished at home also?
Adolescence
I. What is "Adolescence"?
A. Generally, the years between 12 and 20.
B. Three stages
1. Early (12-14) Inward
a. Pre-occupied with their body
b. Seek independence
2. Middle (15-17) Outward
a. Pre-occupied with relationships
b. Peer group
c. Sexual expiermentation
3. Late (18-20) Forward
a. More adult actions
b. Seek financial independence
c. Future oriented - marriage, occupation
C. Statistics
1. Continual growth 20% steady growth
2. Surgent growth 40% growth in spurts
3. Tumultous growth 20% no set pattern
4. Stunted growth 20% little growth seen
NOTE: Groups 1 and 2 have no major problems. Groups 3 and 4 are under great stress. Stress is seen in changes:
1] Biological-hormonal, adult size, sexual
2] Cognitive-think abstract vs. concrete
3] Social-school,home, peers, society
D. Growth tasks that MUST be done
1. Independence from parents
2. Comfortable with their body
3. Personal relationships
4. Establish a value system
5. Decide on educational and occupational goals
6. Find a positive identity
7. Begin economic independence
II. The Dangers of Adolescence Include:
A. Departing (run away)
B. Drinking
C. Drugs
D. Dancing
E. Dating
F. Driving
III. Problems to be Faced
A. Between parents and teens
Neatness Phone use Smoking
Curfew Homework Television
Chores Drinking Attitude
B. Major problems - related to stress
Pain disorders Depression
Substance abuse Suicidal behavior
Delinquent behavior Irresponsible sexuality
Eating disorders
IV. Signs of a Serious Problem
A. Family - avoid family activities, refuse to do chores, refuse to discuss issues, temper outbursts, reject family values
B. School - erratic grades, failure, loss of interest, skipping classes, dropping out
C. Personality - mood swings, lack of effort, lying, memory loss
D. Physical - chronic somatic complaints, rebellious dress, weight loss, weight gain
E. Peer Group - drug user friends, friends with juvenile records, poorly performing friends
F. Legal - stealing, DWI/DUI, shoplifting, delinquency
Questions to Discuss
1. How would you handle:
A. Child run away from home
B. Arrested for drinking
C. A speeding ticket
D. Finding drugs in their room
E. Catching them smoking
F. Wanting to go to a dance
G. Getting too serious too soon
H. Violating curfew hours
2. What is the best way to teach them about sex, fornication and pregnancy.
3. Do parents have the right to control who their child dates? when? how serious?
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